My life in Internet phenomena
Tuesday, April 28th, 2009Monica sends me this censored-for-television version of the most famous line of 21st century cinema:
Though it's not even three years old, I'm already gripped with nostalgia for Snakes on a Plane. More accurately, it's not the actual film that I think fondly of so much as the anticipation that led to it. It had all the makings of one of the greatest feel-good stories of movie fandom. Seizing on the total absurdity of the plot and its perfectly straightforward title, it became a cult sensation before a trailer was even out. It was all set to be the finest example of fan influence on filmmaking to date. The (uncensored) line from the above video was not originally in the film, but when online fans demanded that Samuel L. Jackson say it, the filmmakers actually went back after the movie had already wrapped to shoot additional footage, including that line. According to legend, when the producers were about to rename the movie, Samuel L. Jackson balked, claiming the title was the only reason he had agreed to do the movie.
As you recall, after months of hype, the actual release of the movie was a total dud at the box office. So what went wrong? Well, New Line Cinema made two fatal errors. The first mistake was not moving up the release date to capitalize on the hype, instead waiting till everyone was already sick of hearing about it. The second, far graver error was in not putting my song on the soundtrack.
You see, the studio sponsored a song contest where fans were invited to write snake-related songs and submit them to be voted on online. The top ten vote-getters would be sent to the producers and director who would ultimately choose one to go on the soundtrack.
The song I wrote, "Two Snakes on a Plane," ended up getting the most votes of them all. My lyrics were quoted in an AP article that was reprinted, among other places, in the Redeye. I saw various bloggers refer to the song as the song they wanted to hear at their wedding. Oh, to be a D-list internet celeb again!
Ultimately, though, the filmmakers chose a song by Captain Ahab, a legit duo from LA, crushing my dreams of having the jam of the summer. I still have hopes that in the future, SoaP will be rediscovered and have a long life on the midnight circuit, at which point a Restored Version will be released with the proper soundtrack.
The song itself was written and recorded within a couple days. I wrote the lyrics—which alternate between disgusting and just nonsensical—about half an hour before we recorded the vocals. And then we literally only had time to record one take of the vocals before the singers had to rush off to Bloomington. I listen back now and hear so many imperfections I wish I could fix. Among other things, it's probably about 45 seconds too long. But still, it is what it is, and people seem to enjoy it enough to ask me about it about once a month, so here it is.
The musicians on the recording are credited as The Guesstimates and include Stuart Seale and Nola Richardson on vocals, Bart Pappas and Nicholas Krause on guitar, Paul Kusper on drums, and myself on bass, Rhodes, synth, and Vocoder.
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The Guesstimates - Two Snakes on a Plane [mp3]
